Do you find yourself “clicking” at little old ladies in the supermarket for walking too slow? Do you enjoy horse smells over all else? Chances are you are a Real Horsey Person.
Actually, since her move to France this Real Horsey Person whispers Allez behind small, old people instead. You forget that you are not communicating with a horse.
I wanted to know if other horsey people did this too.
Everyone I asked laughed out loud and said, “OMG! You too?” It would appear to be a universal horsey habit.
I used to talk to my ex as if he was one of my horses. Poor man. If he was about to do something I did not want him to, I would firmly say “NO!” It could have been worse – I could have talked to him as I do the dogs. “SIT!” “Good Real Boyfriend Person.”
One woman on the Horse and Hound Forum said she clicks to her wheelbarrow to make sure it comes with her! Definitely a Real Horsey Person.
But what other things do we all do? What other traits and habits reveal us to be A Real Horsey Person? Rather than the bog-standard ordinary horse person? Here are 19 other things.
The Real Horsey Person’s Environment
1. The contents of a Real Horsey Person’s car are very telling. I have sprouted horse food in the back footwells of my car. Growing into the carpet. I am sure I will remove them at some point.
My door panels are full of hoof picks, rasps, baling twine, and broken head collars. More bailing twine and electric fencing hide the front footwell and front seat.
The boot is a repository for buckets and odd scraps of leather. All covered in a not so fine sprinkling of hay.
2. Food sack as bin bags. Well, it would be a shame to waste all those 25kg sacks.
3. The stables and fields of a Real Horsey Person are far cleaner than the house. Which is full of tack being cleaned and/or repaired. And dirty saddle cloths and jodhpurs. And muddy boots. And muddy dogs. And mud.
4. More drugs in your fridge than food. Horse drugs. Real horsey people don’t need leisure pharmaceuticals other than a GnT or wine.
5. Instead of water-cooler moments, Real Horsey People chat around a wheelbarrow full of poop.
The Real Horsey Person’s Obsessions
6. On lengthy journeys in the car, you count strides between telegraph poles. And hedges. And pretty much anything else.
7. All Real Horsey People have an obsession with all bodily fluids and functions. Pee, poop, pus. Eye goo. Foot smells. If it is excreted or exuding, it tells us a tale.
8. And reproductive organs! One of us even invented a jock-strap for low-hung thigh-slapping testi-bubbles. There is even a job as a mobile willy-washer. ‘Tis true.
9. Bugs! The many and varied ways of killing them. Stopping them from biting the horses. Stopping them using the horses as a breeding ground. Or a dinner table. Masks. And rugs. And potions. And sprays. Chemicals v natural products. Trapping them. Repelling them! Oh no! I feel a rant brewing!
The Real Horsey Person’s Mindset
10. Many Real Horsey People cannot help giving unsolicited advice. But mortified when the recipient takes offense. We mean well. Honest.
11. Every time a Real Horsey Person sees roadworks they get an urge to steal the bollards and divider thingies to make jumps.
12. Ditto when ever you see straight branches on a tree. Poles!!
13. When riding down a hedged lane Real Horsey People wonder if they can go into the field then jump the hedges. How many strides across the lane to the second hedge?
14. Wondering if it is ok to eat your horses’ supplements because they are cheaper than human ones.
15. The response to a storm warning is not Aaah! Baton down the hatches. But bugger!! How many horses can I exercise before it arrives?
16. Real Horsey People recognize other horse people in non-horse situations. EVEN WHEN THEY DON’T SMELL. We walk differently. And in the supermarket, a clean horsey person gives themselves away with the contents of their trolley. Bags and bags of apples and carrots. And a box of wine. Or gin. Or both.
The Real Horsey Person’s Take on Hygiene
17. You forget how strong your clothes smell to non-horsey people until you see the facial expressions on the other customers at the supermarket check-out.
18. You think it is perfectly ok to groom/poop scoop/administer first aid, etc. Then eat a sandwich without washing your hands.
19. Mostly, Real Horsey People have lost the natural “Disgust Impulse” leading them to sniff things they shouldn’t. I did an extreme version of this only the other day. Two young horses had been play-fighting and one lost a tooth in the neck of the other.
The tooth was removed, and the healing was going ok. But we could see a white thing still in the wound. On tweezing it out, we studied it. Obsessively. In the manner of Real Horsey Persons. And then I sniffed it. It turned out to be a small portion of rancid rotting flesh. You live and learn.
Do you consider yourself a Real Horsey Person? Did we miss any details on the subject? Let us know in the comments section below!