Language affects your ability to communicate with your partner. Both verbal and nonverbal language influence the way we give and receive love.
1. Even if you and your loved one speak the same language, how you use it matters in communication
Can you ever tell when your partner says something they don’t mean? That’s because we use more than just words to communicate with each other. Our tone of voice, body language, and volume all matter in communication.
Sometimes, couples have trouble communicating because of differences in how they communicate. Think about how your family dealt with conflict while you were growing up. Did you yell over each other until you solved a problem? Or did your loved ones need to leave the house and get some space before having a calm discussion? Maybe, your family quietly ignored problems until they went away.
If the communication style you learned in childhood differs from that of your partner, it can hurt your feelings when they act unexpectedly during a fight. Have a discussion with your partner about how their family used language during a conflict. A deeper understanding of your loved ones’ communication style makes it much easier to communicate.
2. We all have our own “Love Language,” learning your partner’s can help you communicate
To work on improving communication in a relationship, I studied Dr. Gary Chapman’s work on the 5 Love Languages. His research supports his theory that each individual communicates love using one of five “Love Languages.” These include Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch.
If you don’t know your partner’s Love Language, you may communicate that you love them in a way they don’t understand. You can learn about your Love Language for free by taking the Quiz on the 5 Love Languages website.
3. Language also means word choice: communicate with love
Communicate your needs by choosing your words carefully. Your partner may not be aware they have done something wrong. Incorrect word choice can make your partner feel you are blaming or attacking them.
Instead, try using “I” messages. Many people learned about “I” messages as a child. They work wonders in adult relationships too!