Dating is still the most common custom to assess a potential partner. Yet dating can be tedious for single women over forty, especially if you’ve never married.

Couple holding hands on bike while dating
Dating over forty. Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

When you’re a woman dating in your 20s, you’re sussing out a guy’s desirability using one criterion – his potential.  His potential to be a faithful husband, to be a father, to provide for his family.  It’s like when you’re baking cookies: you try a recipe, put it in the oven to bake, and hope it turns out well. In between, you’re checking if the temperature and timing are correct. If all goes well, you’ll end up with a perfect cookie.

When you’re a single woman dating in your 40s, you expect a man to have already developed into his potential. What you see is what you get. You’re starting with fully baked cookies! Dating, to us, is like sorting through those cookies. And it can be a tedious process.

Reason 1: Dating – It’s all about those apps

Single woman dating online
Dating apps are now common. Image by Kevin Phillips from Pixabay.

Dating apps are now a common tool to define your dating pool. Sometimes that pool is very shallow. Single women over forty sometimes find that the dating pool is actually a swamp! It is a tedious and overwhelming process to filter potential dates.

There are several dating apps, but very few choices. It’s like standing in line for the buffet when you’re a vegetarian – there are usually few choices for you, but you have to stand in line, anyway. If that doesn’t make dating tedious, I don’t know what does.

Reason 2: Single women over forty know their own worth

Single woman on a swing alone
Single women over forty know their worth. Photo by Gantas Vaičiulėnas from Pexels.

Confidence, like wisdom, grows with age. Single women over forty have busy careers and financial independence. They are not looking for someone to take care of them. They know who they are and what they want. They value and respect time and themselves. They speak their minds.

And when you’re over forty and single for a while, your BS detector works better than ever! You’re no longer doe-eyed and trusting. You trust with proof. Dating becomes tedious when you have to show a man this, over and over.

Reason 3: Dating for single women over forty has to be worth the effort

Single women putting on makeup for a date in her
Dating has to be worth the effort.
Photo by Retha Ferguson from Pexels

Have you heard the expression, ‘well, he was a total waste of make-up’? For single women over forty, dating has to be worth the effort. It takes a lot to move me out of my house most evenings. I like my space. I live a full, authentic life. I have a small gang of phenomenal women, and men, I’m proud to call my friends. I have siblings I like most of the time and nieces and nephews I adore.

I’m selective about dating, and will only go out with someone if he’s worth the effort. He has to bring something special to the table – I don’t want to separate the wheat from the chaff. Single women over forty want to date the wheat. Otherwise, dating is just tedious and not worth the effort.


Single women over forty date for different reasons than they did in their twenties. The dating landscape has also changed in the last twenty years. Dating over forty can become tedious for women and has to be worth the effort.