You’re trying online dating. It seems harmless enough, relatively risk-free. But what do you say to a stranger? In a nutshell, here’s what not to say.

A man sending an online dating message.
A man sending an online dating message. Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

Online dating can have a lot of pitfalls. You can’t see the person. You can’t tell if there’s chemistry. You don’t even know they are who they say they are. So with all these downsides, there’s no reason to get in your own way. Here are 4 online dating messages you should never send.

First Online Dating Message

The first online dating message you should never send is a one liner. It’s the straightforward “Hi” message. These dating messages can come in unique forms to include “Hey” and the vomit inducing “Hiya”.

You think you’re being nonchalant. You are giving off the air that you’re busy; you aren’t desperate, but you are still interested.

This isn’t how the message comes off. It appears lazy and spammy. Women will assume you didn’t bother to look at her pictures or read her profile. This means she isn’t assuming you’re a busy bad boy who doesn’t have time to shave.

Second Online Dating Message

Don't send online dating messages that make you look like a diner waitress.
Don’t send online dating messages that make you look like a diner waitress. Photo by Lorenzo Nafissi on Unsplash

The second online dating message to not send is slightly more confusing. Every woman you’ve dated loved it when you called her baby, sweetie, honey, or some other term of endearment. You’re right, women love it when you call them such pet names. Men let’s be honest, we love being called pet names too.

A man may get all giddy when the waitress calls him hun. But a woman finds the same term of endearment from a man she doesn’t know as off-putting and creepy. You think you’re being romantic and debonair. She’s seeing you as the creepy old uncle who always wants her to sit on his lap.

Third Online Dating Message

The third online dating message should include words and not a picture. That means no pictures of the sports car you passed by in the parking lot. You know the one that’s always in the shop and unavailable for the actual date. You also want to stay away from pics of your bank account. The one that looks eerily similar to the one the bitcoin guru shows on his website. And finally, as if I need to mention this, save the picture of your penis for the second date. Or never.

Fourth Online Dating Message

Don't send Jersey Shore inspired online dating messages.
Don’t send Jersey Shore inspired online dating messages. Photo by New York Television Festival.

The last online dating message is an acronym made famous by the crew at Jersey Shore. Are you down to f*ck? Or DTF?

First, it’s important to note that they said it about the ladies, not to the ladies. While it may have worked for The Situation with his rock hard abs, when you say DTF? it comes off a little different.

One, it makes you look desperately thirsty. Second, it assumes that this woman is easy, and that’s very disrespectful. Third, it makes you look like a douche who watched Jersey Shore.


Those are 4 messages that you shouldn’t send to your potential love connection while online dating. Not your first online dating message, not your second message, nor your third or fourth. Keep it cool, keep the conversation flowing, and act normal. The women in your crosshairs will appreciate it.