We consider feeling safe to be given in a relationship. But what if you don’t? Don’t miss these four signals to see if your partner is bullying you.
You just met an awesome man. Receiving rose bouquets, nice gifts, invitations to good restaurants. You feel like he’s the “Mr. Big.” Everything works perfectly – at least for the first few weeks. But suddenly, something is changing. Why? Bullying.
Your Partner Blames You For The Little Things
Your partner starts to see mistakes in you. The soup is too salty; the floor isn’t cleaned up well. Anything you do, you do wrong. He or she is never satisfied. They almost seem to be looking for virtually non-existent mistakes. Repeated blaming can be the first signal that your partner wants to control you.
My friend Melanie told me her story of Alex, a man she met at the bookstore. The spark jumped immediately like in a movie scene. Unfortunately, it was too good to be true.
Alex seemed smart and well-educated. He was attentive. He invited Mel to better restaurants. Everything worked; they understood each other on all relationship levels. Mel thought she finally met her Mr. Big, a soulmate. They were planning for the future. But later, Melanie began to feel insecure. Over time, Alex became moody and blamed Melanie for things that hadn’t bothered him before. As if mutual tolerance was disappearing.
Melanie tried her best, but Alex kept complaining about something all the time. Every single day he found something he could blame her. she didn’t understand why it bothered him. She was under permanent pressure. When he arrived home, she got a headache or stomachache.
Your Partner Limits You
You’re going to a party, but your partner will find a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t go. At first, they manipulate you with sweet words; later, when the tactic doesn’t work, they try to make you feel guilty. They won’t back off until they get what they want.
Melanie’s friends were going to a party. But Alex poured two glasses of red wine and lit candles. He was so kind to her that she backed out of the party. Later, she realized that he had got her where he wanted.
When you need to discuss common matters, and your partner doesn’t accept your views, be careful. It can be the cornerstone of bullying in your relationship. Not being able to express an opinion is very restrictive.
Your Partner Calls You Bad Names
Once sweet words or emotional blackmail stop working, verbal abuse comes into play. When you come home later, and your partner questions you like a criminal, a red light should come on in your head.
Alex didn’t like it when Mel wanted to have a drink with her friends. She stopped responding to his pleas and blaming and went to the party. When she returned home, he was rude and vulgar to her. Melanie let it be, thinking he had a bad day. She believed it was an exceptional situation because she refused to admit he was abusive.
Melanie struggled with migraines and sleep disorders frequently. Psychological violence is as harmful as physical violence. The ultimate effect on an individual’s health is almost the same. Keep in mind that emotional pressure often precedes a physical attack.
Your Partner Attacks You Physically
Physical harm is the culmination of bullying in a relationship. There is an unwritten rule: when your partner hits you once, they will do it again. Bullying can lead to long term abuse. Escalating violence causes physical and mental harm.
Melanie began to suffer from night panic attacks. Her therapist helped her decipher their origins. Unsurprisingly, her idealized relationship was the reason. She didn’t want to see what was going on. She didn’t have the strength to leave the relationship until Alex attacked her.
More than two years Melanie stayed in an incompatible relationship. She moved out after Alex hit her for the first time. He wanted to own and control her. Melanie loves meeting people; she needs freedom to keep her free-spirited, open-minded personality. That is inconsistent with Alex’s controlling nature.
Why Is Your Partner Bullying You?
Bullying appears between boyfriends, parents, siblings, between colleagues in the workplace. Tyrants practice manipulative and coercive techniques to control their victims. Psychological and physical violence’s primary motivation is to build and maintain domination. A bully needs to control the victim he chooses.
There are many reasons why bullying occurs in relationships. It can be a personality disorder or behavioral patterns from a family where a bully grew up. Or the fact that bullies themselves were the target of bullying. Offenders often bully due to their own sense of inadequacy. In this way, they try to filter feelings of anger or vulnerability.
According to Stopbullying.gov, bullying can lead to mental disorders, including anxiety, depression, and addiction. In the worst cases, victims commit suicide. To cure trauma without professional help is rarely possible.
Bullying can lead to the breakdown of a personality. Let’s not be blind to violence against us and others. Trust your intuition and do not ignore these signals. When you see your partner is bullying you, look for an effective solution. Couples and individual therapy might be very helpful.
Have you been through such a relationship? How did you solve it? Please share it with us in the comments below.