Life has not been fair, and most of it not even good, but I have never lost hope in God.
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills: from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from God: who hath made heaven and earth.Psalm 121:1-2 (KJV)
My Story of God
The story of my life is a different story for a different day. Long story short, I was abused as a child. Abused as a wife. I attempted suicide once. And I had many miscarriages. As a result, I suffered from PTSD for 6 plus years. I am still in recovery. Many would ask why I don’t give up? Where is my hope? My hope is in God. This is my promise:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I look back through my life and see when God has carried me, defended me, and rescued me. I see moments when I thought I was alone, and I wasn’t. I see moments where He interceded for me. I see moments when I railed against Him in rage, and His shoulders were there to bear it for me. I remember when my heart felt black, but God did not stop loving me. I look back at provision. I have not had any miracles, by far, but I have not gone without. With that I am content.
I was looking at a star the night I was saved. I look to the sky for my hope. I live in the mountains of Arizona and my favorite thing to do is watch the sunset every night I am home. I am absolutely certain God paints the mountains around me a different color every night. I am sure He does it for me! I believe there are certain places that God loves. Perhaps it is the places where we feel closest to him. When I was young, it was sitting in the woods on a log. The sun always shone through the trees, no matter the season. This was the place I went to for the first 17 years of my life. It is where I felt close to God.
Now, I sit outside at night, in the mountains, and look at the stars. I still look at the night sky and dream of the day Christ returns for me. I feel close to God in these moments, too. There is serenity in my new home. No matter what I go through, I can be at peace here. Much like David looked to the hills, I do as well. It is in the hills of the Hualapai mountains where God has given me a home. It is a safe haven. In God’s hills, I am safe.