In the game of thrones, you win or you die. And with nine families plotting for power, there’s really no winners when asking which family you resemble.
Are You a Targaryen?
Well, no, you’re not. Targaryens are magic, are you magic? They can ride dragons and literally can’t be burned by fire. Also, Targaryens held an incestuous dynasty over the seven kingdoms for nearly 300 years before they were almost all but annihilated. What I’m saying is their experience is pretty unique, and not the most relatable, but let’s try.
If you come from an affluent and influential family, you might be a Targaryen. If you connect with animals, you might be a Targaryen. We may equate being fireproof to someone who is “thick-skinned,” able to brush things off. You would have to be, because being a Targaryen also means you’ve succumbed to many family tragedies, essentially leaving you orphaned, like Daenerys. I hope for your sake you’re not a Targaryen.
Are You a Lannister?
Do you come from a very wealthy family? That’s the easiest way to know if you’re a Lannister. They’re the richest family in the Seven Kingdoms, or at least that’s what they want you to think. We eventually find out they’re broke and getting everything on loan from the Iron Bank–basically a bailout. They were too big to fail.
Tywin, the Lannister patriarch, is very much like a sleazy Wall Street guy. He’s a master at striking a deal, often when it suits him best. This means he’s no stranger to stabbing someone in the back to contribute to his success.
As wealthy families are so often portrayed, there is a lot of infighting amongst siblings, and between parent and child. More than any other family in Westeros, there is serious love-lost in this family. So, if you have a sister you refuse to see, or a father who never showed you love, you might be a Lannister.
Are You a Stark?
Starks march to the beat of their own drum, even within the family. All the kids ambitiously follow their own direction but maintain the importance of family and tradition. They hate the idea of subserviency, which results in them living on the outskirts of society. They’re off the beaten path, but everyone else on the fringe of society is fiercely loyal to them.
So, I guess, did you break away from a family that runs a cult? Did they have a doomsday bunker stockpiled with weapons somewhere deep in the wilderness? I ask because the Starks rebelled against the government with their band of loyal followers. They’re the only ones who still believe in the “Old Gods.” They live in an area most refuse to inhabit. Also, their leader, Ned, is entirely steadfast in his belief system and dies a martyr.
All Starks are like that, really. So a less extreme question would be, is stubbornness your family trait? If you come from an annoyingly strong-willed family, you might be Stark. Also, any dog whisperers out there are Stark eligible.
Are You a Baratheon?
Baratheons probably have the most fouled-up sibling relationships of any family. At the very least, they’re competing with the Lannisters. There’s Robert, the eldest, and the patriarch. He was once ambitious but is now just an accomplished drunk. Stannis is the born-again middle child who found a weird religion. And Renly, the dishonorable two-face, spent his life riding Robert’s coattails.
Do you have people in your life that you just sort of have to put up with because they’re family? If you have pretty much nothing in common with your siblings, but hey, they’re family—you might be a Baratheon. Also, if you have a sibling you are ready to go to war with, you’re probably a Baratheon.
Are You a Tyrell?
Tyrells are essentially the opposite of the Baratheons. There are no closer siblings than Loras and Margaery (except Cersei and Jamie, but that’s too close). They would do anything for each other. To them, the family’s needs are more significant than their individual needs. This is because their proper and cunning grandmother had a heavy hand in raising them.
Would you do anything for your brother or sister? Then you might be a Tyrell. Is your grandma a baller? Is she a shot caller? If the answer is yes, you’re definitely a Tyrell. It’s all about the matriarchy in this family.
Are You a Martell?
There is a lot to be said about the Martell family. The sisters are also very close to one another. To a Martell, gender means nothing, only seniority matters (uncommon in Westeros). There are a few things that stand out about their family dynamic. They are the least nuclear family in Westeros. Prince Oberyn Martell has eight daughters from four mothers, but they raise all as nobility even though they are all born out of wedlock (another practice unique in Westeros).
Another stand out element is the way they banded together. Oberyn’s three eldest daughters, and his paramour Ellaria Sand, form a group of mercenaries. I mean, they’re sort of mercenaries—they’re mainly just motivated by their own vendetta. Which is the ultimate point: does your family have a rival?
If your family has another family they feud with; you’re probably a Martell. They are hell-bent on pulling one over on the Lannisters, who, in fairness, have done plenty of damage to the Martells. It’s something that might happen if you run a family business, much like the Sand Snakes run their mercenary group. So if you and your siblings are working for the family business under your mom’s authority, you’re definitely a Martell.
Are You a Tully?
Well, I don’t know, there’s not much to say about the Tullys. I think most families were like the Tully family a couple of centuries ago. They’re basically the equivalent of a family that runs a self-sufficient farm. They’re mostly outside of all the action, keeping to themselves on their secluded land.
But then they married both their daughters off to more affluent families. That’s why I say they’re like a centuries-old family because it basically goes back to the dowry days. The daughters pretty much never look back. So if you came from a little farmhouse that your family still operates, you might be a Tully. If you rarely ever get the chance to go back home and see family, you might be a Tully.
Are You an Arryn?
God, I hope not. The Lord of House Arryn, Jon, dies under mysterious circumstances. His wife, Lysa, turns into a total recluse. She breast-feeds her son until he’s like 8 years old. It turns out he’s not Jon’s son, and she secretly was the one who killed her husband at the request of her lover/baby daddy.
They’re more secluded than the Tullys. They’re more cultish than the Starks. They’re murderous and adulterous. If you can relate to the Arryn family, I’m so sorry.
Are You a Greyjoy?
The only way I’d consider you a Greyjoy is if you live on an island. They are obsessed with the ocean and boats. They base their entire economy on sea practices (fishing, navy). They believe in the Drowned God, rather than the prevalent religion in Westeros, which could be equated to island folklore.
As for family dynamics, Greyjoys could be considered to have a chosen family, something I think many relate to. Theon struggled with feeling more loyal to Stark than Greyjoy, and Yara’s ship crew is essential to her. So, ocean obsessed and belonging to a chosen family—sounds like some surfers I know—might be Greyjoys. Also, if you have a homicidal uncle, I’d say that makes you a Greyjoy.
So what family do you belong to? Let us know by voting in our poll and leaving a comment. Tell me who your favorite character is or air your grievances about the last season. I don’t care what it is; I love talking Game of Thrones.